IFS Therapy in Los Angeles and Online Across California
Have you ever experienced any of these moments?
You're determined to start a new healthy habit, but suddenly find yourself procrastinating or self-sabotaging, wondering why you can't just follow through
During a disagreement with your partner you become angry or shut down completely, later thinking "I don't know what came over me"
You set boundaries with loved ones only to immediately feel guilty and backtrack, despite knowing your limits are reasonable
After a small mistake, a harsh inner critic berates you with "you always mess things up,"
You feel torn between the part of you that craves deep connection and the part that builds walls to avoid getting hurt again
You feel clear on what you want in your life yet you find yourself not living in a way that is in alignment with that vision
What is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is an evidence-based approach to psychotherapy that acknowledges the natural multiplicity of the mind. Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, IFS views the mind as naturally divided into sub-personalities or "parts," each with its own perspectives, feelings, and qualities. IFS offers a compassionate and effective approach to working with these different "parts" of ourselves. Rather than struggling against unwanted behaviors or berating ourselves when we fall short, IFS helps us understand the underlying patterns driving our actions.
From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, we recognize that having different "parts" isn't a sign of mental illness - it's simply a normal and inherent characteristic of the human psyche.
For example, when we experience a challenge with a friend, partner, or family member we may notice several different parts showing up; one part quickly becomes defensive or resentful, leading to arguments or withdrawing. Another part really cares about the other person and feels guilty for not being able to show up in the way we’d like. A third part later joins in replaying the scene and our reaction over and over in our head followed by a loud inner critic who causes us to feel shame. With everything that’s going on inside it’s no wonder that a final part comes in to distract us from all the tension with social media or Youtube.
Through IFS therapy, you can connect with your calm, clear, and centered sense of Self while understanding the purpose behind problematic patterns. This approach helps address the fears that drive self-defeating behaviors and develops a curious, compassionate relationship with all aspects of yourself.
IFS therapy involves a process called "going inside" - safely exploring your internal landscape and connecting with your parts with curiosity instead of judgment. This approach can be helpful for those who have experienced grief, trauma, or feelings of worthlessness that have led to compensatory behaviors like perfectionism, busyness, or focusing on others' needs while neglecting your own.
Working with an IFS therapist provides a safe, evidence-based method for addressing intense emotions with respect for your pace, direction, and need for safety. There's no pressure to "do it right" or reveal difficult content before you're ready - it's a collaborative process where you set the pace and make the decisions.
The Types of Parts in our System
Just like in a family each part in your system has a specific role it plays, often developed early on as a way to adapt, protect, or manage the emotional environment and navigate the external world. Parts also relate to each other just like family members do. They react to one another, form alliances and polarizations, or even go silent.
There are three types of parts that develop in our system in response to a difficult or traumatic event:
Exiles carry the pain of past wounds such as shame, fear, or sadness, and often are pushed away or hidden from our consciousness to protect us from becoming overwhelmed.
Managers work hard to prevent past pain and difficult experiences from resurfacing by keeping life controlled and orderly. Common behaviors of managers include people-pleasing, intellectualizing, overachieving, criticizing, and avoidance.
Firefighters step in reactively when the pain of exiles break through using quick fixes like numbing, anger, or distraction to put out the emotional “fire,”. Despite the short term relief from pain or overwhelm, the firefighter’s methods sometimes cause more problems down the line. Common behaviors of firefighters include dissociation, substance use and binging, self-sabotaging behavior, and anger.
Aside from our parts there is also an innate core sense of who we are called the Self. The Self serves as the natural internal leader that can help guide, listen to, and heal your inner system and parts. All of us are born with the Self but due to trauma, attachment wounds, or other challenging experiences parts become burdened by extreme beliefs and emotions resulting in them taking over. These burdens can force these parts into extreme and often destructive roles. These roles are not the essence of the part but rather adaptations for survival. IFS does not aim to eliminate parts. Instead, the focus is on helping them release their burdens and transform back into their naturally valuable states which brings back balance and harmony into our internal system.
What an IFS Therapy Session Looks Like
In our sessions we’ll start with whatever feels most alive for you such as a recent conflict, a decision you’re wrestling with, or a familiar pattern you’d like to understand better. These “trailheads” become starting points for exploring the different parts of you that show up in daily life.
Together we’ll get to know these parts with curiosity and compassion, beginning often with protective parts that work hard to keep you safe. When those protectors feel respected and understood they may allow us to gently connect with the more vulnerable parts they’ve been guarding. As we move at your internal system’s pace these parts can share their stories and begin to release some of the burdens they’ve carried for so long.
Throughout this process you’ll also connect more with your own inner Self. From this place you can build a more trusting, supportive relationship with your parts which often leads to greater clarity, balance, and a deeper sense of being at home in yourself.
Reconnecting Mind and Body: The Embodiment Dimension of IFS
One of the powerful aspects of IFS therapy is how it can foster a deeper mind-body connection. Many of us have learned to live primarily "in our heads," disconnected from the inherent wisdom and sensations of our bodies. This separation often occurs when parts of us have taken on protective roles to shield us from painful physical or emotional experiences. When you improve the mind-body connection, you can foster a deeper emotional awareness, shifting from cognitive overthinking into a more embodied, grounded awareness. Trauma also often gets "stuck" in the body and when the mind and body reconnect in a safe way, you create space for release and integration.
Improving the mind-body connection can provide benefit with increasing awareness of when your nervous system is dysregulated and responding earlier. Rather than treating emotions, thoughts, and physical experiences as separate, IFS plus body-based awareness brings all parts of you into the healing process. Through engaging in IFS you'll learn to access the body's natural wisdom as a guide to your internal system.
Is IFS Therapy Right for You?
IFS therapy can be helpful for people experiencing:
Anxiety and depression
Trauma and PTSD
Relationship difficulties
Inner criticism or shame
Burn out and fatigue
Difficulty managing emotions
Identity exploration
Spiritual growth and personal development
By developing harmony among your internal parts, you become more fully present and powerful in your choices, able to live a more fulfilled and meaningful life. If you are interested in learning more about how this approach may benefit you contact me for a free 15 minute consultation call.